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You don’t have to be a hero or make a big scene to make a difference in someone’s life. You can take steps to protect someone who may be at risk in a way that fits your comfort level.

Whether you’re making sure an intoxicated friend gets home safely, letting someone know that a rape joke isn’t funny, or getting security involved when someone is behaving aggressively, taking action can affect the way those around you think about and respond to sexual violence. The first step in bystander intervention is to understand and recognize sexual violence. Sexual violence is any unwanted or abusive behaviours that are sexual in nature including sexual harassment and sexual assault. For additional learning, our Adult Sexual Violence Information Sheet and our website “Learn” section provide a strong foundation of understanding.

When to intervene

It can be difficult as a bystander to know if what you are witnessing is consensual or not. Consent means that everyone
involved voluntarily agrees to engage in a given activity, whether that’s flirting, dancing, or sex. Consent is about mutual enjoyment and active, ongoing participation. As a bystander, we want to watch for dynamics where participation is one- sided, body language doesn’t match, or where one person is much more intoxicated.

Challenge your assumptions about the causes of sexual violence.

Consent is not the same as flirting, and has nothing to do with what someone is wearing, where they are, whether they’ve been drinking, their sexual history, or their profession. Most instances of sexual violence don’t involve physical force but do involve emotional force like pressure, guilt, threats, or manipulation.

There are many ways that a person can show or imply “no” through their actions, words, or body language. Some examples include:

Pushing someone away (fight)
Turning or walking away (flight)
Doing nothing (freeze)
Saying no, maybe, I don’t know
Changing the subject
Making excuses

How to intervene

It can be difficult as a bystander to know if what you are witnessing is consensual or not. Consent means that everyone
involved voluntarily agrees to engage in a given activity, whether that’s flirting, dancing, or sex. Consent is about mutual enjoyment and active, ongoing participation. As a bystander, we want to watch for dynamics where participation is one- sided, body language doesn’t match, or where one person is much more intoxicated.

The 4 Ds of Bystander Intervention

Direct

Address the situation head on. Examples: 

Check in with the person being harmed
Distract

Indirectly de-escalate the situation. Examples: 

Change the subject
Insert yourself into the situation
Strike up a conversation with either party
Delegate

Get someone else involved. Examples:

Tell staff or authority at the location
Find the person’s friends
Brainstorm with others
Delay
Follow-up with the person experiencing harm to check in and offer support.

DESC Conflict Resolution Model

Consider using DESC Conflict Resolution Model:

Describe the situation

Express why you’re concerned

S Specify what you want them to do

Consequence – highlight the positive consequence for listening to you

Institutional Support materials and briefcase5 Minute Friend Bystander Intervention Training

5 Minute Friend is a collection of anti-sexual violence and bystander intervention workshops offered by SACE to provide nightlife industry staff and management with training, guidance, and support on responding to, and ultimately preventing sexual violence. For more information, call SACE and ask to speak to a Public Educator.

Our Support & Information Line is available for anyone who has experienced sexual assault or abuse, as well as those who are supporting anyone impacted by sexual violence.

When you intervene as a bystander you are helping to create a culture of consent where everyone gets to feel safe; a society or environment in which obtaining consent and respecting boundaries is the norm, for both sexual contact and everyday activities.

For discussion about how to create safer spaces for your workplace, community group, event, etc., call SACE and ask to speak to a Public Educator.

Printable PDF

A print copy of “Bystander intervention” is available for download.

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